I spent a week in Marrakech, and honestly… I’m still not sure whether I went on holiday or survived a seven-day obstacle course. It was colourful, chaotic, hilarious, mildly terrifying, and at one point I genuinely thought I might never leave the bathroom again. 🙂
Here’s the whole adventure – unfiltered and slightly traumatised.
Welcome to Marrakech: Please Abandon All Sense of Direction 📍🚗
The moment we stepped outside the airport, Marrakech hit like a wall of noise. Honking, shouting, scooters flying past at the speed of light, cars driving as if road rules were only rumours… absolute madness.
And then there was Google Maps, which in the medina is basically a comedy sketch. The blue dot spun around like it was dizzy, froze at the worst times, or proudly guided me straight into dark alleys where even the cats looked concerned.
Several times I genuinely said, “If I disappear here, at least the cats will eat well.” 😅
The Medina: Gorgeous by Day, Horror Maze by Night 🌞➡️🌚
During the day, the medina is great – colourful, busy, full of character. You get lost but in a cute “let’s explore!” way.
But at night?
No. Absolutely not.
Shops close. Lights disappear. Everything looks the same. And suddenly you’re wandering through dark alleyways wondering whether you’ll ever see your riad again.
Finding it felt like completing a level of Tomb Raider, just with fewer health packs. 🎮
Our Riad: The Heavenly Escape 😌🏡
Thank GOD the riad was perfect.
Beautiful decor, calm as anything, lovely service – honestly a little paradise inside the chaos.
I seriously considered staying inside for the rest of the trip and communicating with the outside world solely through Glovo deliveries. 😂
Stray Cats: The True Rulers of Marrakech 🐈👑
There are cats EVERYWHERE: sunbathing, following tourists, guarding market stalls, prowling rooftops. And they’re adorable.
I fed loads of them. By day three I’m pretty sure I had my own furry fan club following me around.
The good news: most are treated kindly.
The bad news: I nearly came home with a suitcase full of cats.
The Food… and The Incident 🍲🚽
I tried the local food with good intentions. Some of it was alright. Some of it was questionable.
And then came the food poisoning.
I was destroyed. Three days. Back and forth to the bathroom like I was training for a marathon. Grim.
Eventually I gave up and ordered McDonald’s on Glovo 🍟 – genuinely the happiest moment of the entire holiday. No shame.
Shopping: Fun Until It Isn’t 💸😩
At first, haggling was fun.
By day five, it became a spiritual test.
Every shop sells the EXACT same things, every price is negotiable, and every seller has a “special price for you, my friend.” I heard that phrase so often it’s still echoing in my head.
By the end, I was bargaining with the enthusiasm of a sock.
Jemaa el-Fnaa: A Fever Dream in Square Form 🐍🙉🥁
Nothing prepares you for the main square.
Snakes. Monkeys. Henna artists grabbing your arm. Smoke everywhere. Loud music. Shouting. Food stalls. Lights. Random people trying to drag you into something.
And of course – scooters weaving through crowds like it’s a video game.
It’s exciting for 10 minutes and traumatic for the next 50.
At some point, I just looked around and said: “Right… I’m done.” 🤣
The Day Trips That Saved Our Sanity 🏔️🔥
Just when I thought I’d experienced enough chaos and diarrhoea for a lifetime, I had two amazing excursions:
️🏔️ Atlas Mountains
Peaceful, stunning scenery, cooler air – an absolute reset for the brain.
🐪🔥 Desert Quads, Camel Ride & Fire Show
This was brilliant, quad biking through the dunes, camel riding, dinner, music, fire performance. Tourist-y but SO much fun.
Finally, something that felt like a holiday rather than a survival documentary.
Final Thoughts: Marrakech, You Wild, Chaotic Beast ❤️
Marrakech gave us EVERYTHING – beauty, chaos, laughter, confusion, food poisoning, cats, camels, and stories I’ll be telling for years.
Would I go back?
Maybe. With stronger stomach medication, GPS trackers, and absolutely NO blind trust in Google Maps.
But honestly… I’m just proud I made it out alive – slightly traumatised, a bit thinner, but with great photos and a deep appreciation for functioning toilets.